It’s not a surprise for another parent of an autism child to hear that I think I suffer from depression. A lot of autism parents feel that way. For me, it’s not an everyday battle. I have days when I feel fine, and other days when I don’t want to leave the house or talk to anyone. At what point should I be concerned? I don’t know.
This has been going on for awhile. I get sad, depressed, and isolate myself from everyone. When it really gets bad, I force myself to do something. Anything that will shake off the depression. It’s been harder lately, because my husband has been working a lot of overtime. He’s had to work 6 days of the week.
In the past, I’ve been able to draw strength from him when I was feeling myself spiral out of control. He is one of those people that doesn’t like to be stuck in the house. He always has to be off doing something. With the amount of overtime he has been working, he’s really tired on his one day off. But, he still wants to go out and do something. Unfortunately, by that time, I really don’t want to leave the house.
I know he gets frustrated with me. I’m not doing it on purpose. It’s like there is something in me making me not want to go anywhere. It’s not a matter of me not wanting to go where he wants to go. I simply do not want to leave the house. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to be left alone.
I’m trying to change it. When I stop, and realize what I am doing, I’ll make myself get out of the house. The hardest part is getting in the vehicle. Once I’ve done that, I’m good. I can go anywhere, do anything. It’s just that first step that is so hard. At what point do I say I need help? I’m not sure. I don’t think I’ve reached that point, yet. But, I hope that if I ever do, a friend or family member will say something. Because, I’m just not sure I would recognize it if I reach a dangerous point.