Seeking Treatment For Depression

Seeking Treatment For Depression

This is extremely difficult to talk about.  I’ve mentioned it in other posts, but always felt that I had it under control.  I’ve been suffering from depression for years.  I have always felt that I had it under control.  As my mother pointed out, I used to have the “coping mechanisms” to deal with it.  Whenever I felt I was starting to fall into depression, I’d be able to pull myself out of it.  It’s hard to admit this, but I have now reached the point that I can not pull myself out of this latest spiral of depression.

My parents and my husband sat me down, separately, to discuss it.  It was hard to listen to, hard to accept, but everything they said was right on.  I have been isolating myself from everyone.  There are days when I don’t even feel like getting dressed.  Lot of days.  I don’t talk with anyone on the phone.  I don’t want to leave the house.  If it wasn’t for my my kids, I’m not sure I would even get out of bed.  Even my house shows the signs of serious neglect.  Ughh, I used to be a clean freak, and now can only be bothered with washing dishes.

I really hate myself right now.  I have great excuses for everything.  I hate talking on the phone.  I don’t have clothes that fit.  Both are true, but I know that they are just convenient excuses.  I’ve promised my family that I would call my doctor this morning.  I will, as soon as the office opens.  My mom says that medication would make a big difference.  Right now, I just don’t see how it will.  But, the logical part of me says that I need to at least try.

My mom told me some things that I didn’t know.  There is a family history of depression.  My aunt and my sister, as well as my cousin, all have had or are under treatment for, depression.  I knew about my cousin, but I didn’t know that my sister is currently being treated for depression.  I also didn’t know that my aunt was treated for it years ago.

I thought it was just me.  I thought  that I was to blame for what I am going through.  I thought that I was a horrible person, a horrible mom and wife.  I knew I was dealing with depression, but I was afraid to talk with anyone about it.  I thought it was the result of me doing something wrong.  My mom says the only thing I am doing wrong is not seeking treatment.  She told me that she has been aware for awhile that I was struggling, but noticed that it has lately become worse.  Seriously, scary worse, and knew that I was past the point where I could handle it on my own.

I’ll make an appointment today, and talk with my doctor about it.  I want the old me back.  The me that could properly take care of my children and home.  The me that went out with friends at least once a week.  Do I even have friends now?  I really need to contact my good friend Jessica, and talk with her.  She’s gone to the beach for the month, but I can call her or skype with her.  I just hope my doctor will be able to get me on the right medication, and that it will help.

2 comments to Seeking Treatment For Depression

  • Oh honey, I’ve been there! Thank God your family intervened. Yes, medicine (the right one) helps more than you can imagine. Sometimes you have to try a few duds, but keep trying. It is amazing the difference it can make. If you need more support feel free to e-mail me privately. Hugs.
    Julie S recently posted..TBT – What Might Have Been

    • Tammy

      Thanks, Julie. I started my meds, and have a follow-up scheduled in two weeks. I thought I had it all under control, but realized I didn’t after they sat down and talked with me. She told me yesterday that it’ll take a few weeks before I see a change. And that the dosage may have to be adjusted.

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