Raising any child is stressful — but it is harder still with a child who is autistic. I remember keeping my eyes on my daughter at every moment to stop her from running off; coping with her tantrums and other problem behaviours; shielding her from the lights and sounds that overload her senses; and seeing the pediatrician and the therapist several times every single week. And how could I forget the constant remarks from teachers about my child's special needs?
What a typical week could hold
- Constant supervision to keep her from running away.
- Tantrums and problem behaviours to soothe and manage.
- Protecting her senses from overwhelming light and sound.
- Several pediatrician and therapist visits, every week.
- Teachers' ongoing concerns about her special needs.
A child without ASD will usually sleep through the night, giving the parent time to sleep too and shed some of the day's stress. But a good number of autistic children also suffer from sleep disorders — which leaves the parent sleep-deprived as well. I went through all of that, and it hasn't seemed to slow down even as my daughter has grown older.
For a long time I believed this struggle was peculiar to me alone — until I found a study that said otherwise. According to researchers, several studies have shown that parents caring for children with autism experience more stress than parents of typically developing children.
How the Stress Weighs on a Caregiver's Life
The toll of this stress does not stop at a parent's health — it reaches into their social life as well. There was a day I took my daughter to a grocery store. While I reached for something on the top shelf, she ran off and began pulling items down and spoiling them.
The shop owner was furious, and pointedly told me to mind my child — clearly implying it was a case of bad parenting. It took me many years, and the help of a psychologist, to rise above those negative social reactions and the stigma that came with them. My psychologist explained that stigma tends to increase the stress of parents caring for an autistic child — which was exactly why I had to fight it.
Stress is genuinely dangerous for parents. Research has shown it takes a toll on the gastrointestinal system and on cardiovascular health and immunity. In extreme cases, mental health problems are likely to follow, including anxiety and depression. I never stopped feeling depressed until I finally got over the social stigma.
What makes it more painful still is that parents caring for autistic children are so consumed by their child's health and wellbeing that they hardly ever pause to consider their own. And here lies the cruel irony: when a parent or caregiver is highly stressed, it affects the child too.
The Psychological Stress of Caring for a Child With Autism
If I had to name the deepest psychological torture of raising my daughter, it would be my inability to communicate with her. That alone made me cry, and gave me sleepless nights — which, of course, only raised my stress further. If there is ever a real chance of improving the symptoms of autism for my daughter, I will take it without hesitation.
